Regrets

It's been raining for a thousand days......  I like the rain, especially if I don't have anywhere to go and can spend the day curled up inside sipping tea.  I love the way the rain sounds when it pours down in heavy sheets and sounds like a train rumbling by.  And I love the way it sounds when it drizzles and drips sounding like a tiny percussion orchestra.

The tea I'm sipping was given to me by my hostess in Istanbul.  (Every time I turned around, someone was offering me more tea, usually accompanied by a plate of something to nibble on; nuts or sweets.)  And as I sip my Turkish tea, I'm filled with regret because I remember the Turkish tea set that I almost owned.....

On the day I left Turkey,  Akif took me to the airport and he insisted on giving me a fistful of money to spend.  I told him that I still had money left from the last time he took me to the airport, but he wouldn't listen.  He said he wanted me to take the money and spend it in the airport.  Well.... I certainly don't want to offend anyone!  So, I took the money and we said good-bye.

I had about two hours to wait for my flight and the Istanbul airport is full of interesting shops so off I went.  After eating and drinking a small portion of the money, I decided I would exchange the rest for US dollars at an exchange bureau.  But before doing that, I wandered into a shop that sold traditional Turkish items; Turkish delight, beautiful scarves made from Turkish cotton, jewelry, spices, pottery, trinkets, dried fruit and nuts.  And tea sets.

I was quite taken with the tea sets.  The cups and saucers were made of glass and had beautiful, lacy designs on them.  Many of them had gold swirled in with the colors and others were etchings all done in gold.  I fell in love with a set that had colorful dots on the sides and gold rimming on the lips of the cups.  The set cost 70 Turkish lira which is about $45 US.  I stood there and agonized for almost 30 minutes over whether or not to buy it.  I kept asking myself why I needed it?  I had already lived for 47 years without a Turkish tea set.  I was pretty sure I could live another 47 without it.  How often did I drink tea, anyway?  I'm more a coffee drinker.  And I'd have to hold it on the plane since the box was too big to fit in my carry-on.  And if I didn't buy it, I'd go home with 45 more dollars.

I didn't buy it.

Since coming home, I've thought about that tea set several times a week with regret. I wish I had bought it.  And here is the conflict for me; I don't NEED it!  I spend so much time in Haiti, with people who live on almost nothing.  It has gotten difficult for me to justify spending money on stuff I don't need.  This question of what I need and what I don't gets difficult as I wonder just where do I draw the line? 

On the other hand, what did I end up doing with the $45 I didn't spend on the tea set?  I have no idea!  The money is gone and now I have no money AND no tea set!!!!

So, in the future, I'm not going to hesitate to make the purchase.  And that decision has lead me to make a bigger, more significant decision.  I'm not going to hesitate to do something nice for someone when I can.

Maybe those things seem unconnected.  But I've never regretted making a decision to buy something I wanted, the same way I've never regretted spending the time, energy, or money to do something nice for someone.  I've only regretted what I haven't done.

Oh dear!  While I've been busy philosophising, my tea has gotten cold.  I'm off to re-heat it!